


Luca's Still Here

by ladysaxobeat



Category: UglyDolls (2019)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23335780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladysaxobeat/pseuds/ladysaxobeat
Summary: Luca takes a walk to try and let off some steam.
Relationships: Leroy & Luca
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Luca's Still Here

It was just one of those nights.

Leroy, Lucas and Louis had just finished sending off the fifth batch of Type 12 dolls, and now they were left all alone until the next batch finally arrived. They drove back to the house instead of walking there. Food was something quick and easy, and dinner was eaten in silence. After they finished their meal, wherein time seemed to move quickly and drag slowly all at once, Lou left for his room without so much as a farewell, leaving Leroy and Luca to sit there quietly for a while.

As Leroy eventually rose to take care of the dishes, Luca found himself standing as well.

“Oh, it’s okay, Luca,” Leroy muttered softly, holding his hand out. “Go on and rest, I can take care of this tonight.”

Luca didn’t bring up the fact that Leroy took care of the dishes every night.

“No, I know,” he said, “I’m just gonna head out.”

Leroy looked up from where he was setting dirty plates in the sink. His mismatched eyes were confused, and tired. So, so tired, as they always were.

Luca looked away, a weak chuckle spilling through his lips.

“Don’t give me that look, Roy. I just need some air, you know?”

He looked back up at the older prototype and forced a grin, wondering when it became so easy to do that with his siblings.

Leroy stared at him a bit longer, then nodded.

“Okay,” Leroy conceded, turning back to the sink. “Don’t stay out too long.”

“You got it, Roy-Roy!”

Rushing water and his older brother’s quiet chuckle followed Luca on his way outside. He brushed down his green shirt and gray sweatpants as he walked out the door, glad that the dolls were gone.

He hadn’t walked outside in pajamas in ages.

The night was cool and dark, a few dim stars lighting up the sky. For a moment, Luca wondered what the real thing looked like, before shaking his head and shoving his hands in his pocket.

“Don’t be a fucking dumbass,” he whispered into the silence, softly hitting his forehead with the butt of his palm. “It’s not you’re gonna get there any time soon. Stop dammit wishing.”

But Luca was smarter than he seemed, and he knew it was impossible to stop wishing, to stop _hoping_ , that something would change. That the rules could be broken, or better yet, disregarded. Tossed aside like a piece of garbage, and forgotten about the next second.

But Luca was smarter than he seemed, and he knew it was impossible.

Luca looked down at his green slippers, and sighed.

“I am a question to the world, not an answer to be heard, or a moment that’s held in your arms.”

Luca wasn’t entirely sure why he started singing, but he knew the words were coming from deep inside him. Perhaps from his nonexistent soul, or something.

“And what do you think you’d ever say? I won’t listen anyway. You don’t know me, and I’ll never be what you want me to be.”

All he could be was what he already was. Wasn’t that how the saying went?

“And what? Do you think you’d understand? These dolls, no, no, they can’t.”

None of these dolls could ever know what it was like. They’d never know what it was like to never be held in a child’s arms, to never get to fight off dragons or go to a tea party, to never calm a heartbeat or receive a sleepy smile. To never have a special kid waiting for you.

“You can’t take me and throw me away.”

Luca kicked a stray pebble out of his path. He wrinkled his nose as it bounced a few paces before stopping a foot away.

“And how can you learn what’s never shown? Yeah, you stand here on your own.”

Luca picked up the small stone. It fit neatly in the palm of his hand, which angered him, because perfect shouldn’t be handed to things that don’t deserve it. 

“They don’t know me, ‘cause I’m not here.”

Luca threw the pebble as hard as he could at a nearby trash can. It bounced off the lid and onto the ground. At first, Luca felt a sort of satisfaction over having bested the dumb thing, but then he felt like an idiot because he was fighting with a fucking rock. He sneered at himself, and combed through his blond hair before sticking both hands in his pockets.

“And I want a moment to be real. Wanna touch things I don’t feel. Wanna hold on, and feel I belong.”

That couldn’t be more true. He _wanted_ someone to understand, to know what he was going through, to know the harsh realities he had to face every moment of every day of his life. Someone who wasn’t one of his brothers, someone who wasn’t already dealing with the same shit in a different way.

“And how could the world want me to change? They’re the ones who stay the same.”

Luca wanted to tell other dolls. He wanted to shout his plight from the rooftops, wanted to jump on a stage and yell that he wasn’t like them. Luca wanted to shatter their perfect world with his ugly truth.

“They don’t know me, ‘cause I’m not here.”

That was exactly why he couldn’t tell anyone. Why should the other dolls have to deal with his bullshit?

Why would any of them want to?

“And you see the things they never see. All you wanted, I could be. Now you know me, and I’m not afraid.”

You can only be what you are. Well, what was Luca?

“And I want to tell you who I am. Wanna make you understand.”

Luca was the comedic relief. He was there to bring light to a stressful situation. Luca told jokes for Leroy. Luca played games with Lou. Luca pulled pranks and teased dolls lightheartedly and made things fun.

Luca looked pretty. His appearance was spotless. His green eyes were big and bright. The mole under his right eye was small and adorable. Luca never got dirty, Luca always had a bright smile, Luca made everyone swoon.

“They can’t break me, as long as I know who I am.”

Luca was the funny, handsome one.

The funny, handsome one could break any second.

“And I want a moment to be real. I wanna touch things I don’t feel. I wanna hold on, and feel I belong.”

Luca entered the plaza. He stared up at the dark screen, and scowled. He wished he still had that pebble.

“And how can the world want me to change? They’re the ones that stay the same. They can’t see me, but I’m still here.”

Luca blinked. No one could see him.

There wasn’t anyone here, but him.

“They can’t tell me who to be, ‘cause I’m not what they see. Yeah, the world is still sleepin’, while I keep on dreamin’ for me!”

He was by himself now, was all alone.

“And their words are just whispers, and lies that I’ll never believe!”

Luca was funny, and handsome, and goofy, and smooth.

“And I want a moment to be real! Wanna touch things I don’t feel! Wanna hold on, and feel I belong!”

Luca was furious, and bitter, and resentful, and lonely, and every other loud, scary emotion in between.

“And how can you say I’ll never change, when you’re the ones who stay the same?! I’m the one now, ‘cause I’m still here!”

Luca was…

“I’m the one, ‘cause I’m still here!”

Luca was crying. 

Luca was on his knees, and tears were streaming down his face, and sobs were shaking his body, and his fists were striking at the ground, and his knuckles were tearing at the seams, and bits of white stuffing were flying everywhere, and his hands were throbbing painfully, and metal claws were pulling at his arms, and robots were lifting him into a car, and.

and.

and.

and Luca was back in his room.

His fingers were stitched and wrapped in bandages. The clock on his bedroom wall read 2:50. His throat felt dry, and his face felt warm. He was in his bed, the covers over half of his torso.

Well, at least Leroy and Lou hadn’t seen him like this.

Hadn’t seen him lose his mind for, apparently, nine hours.

Good, Luca thought as he gingerly pulled the covers over his head.

They didn’t need to know that Luca wasn’t there in the slightest.


End file.
